Saturday, August 19, 2006


I'm thinking about what's next. In everything. What's my next art project? What's my next job? Where do we live next? What's my next knitting project? What's our priority now?

I'm really not going to talk about this miscarriage forever. But life was on hold for a couple of weeks there, and now I'm feeling a great need to move on. I'm not someone who sits still well... I need to do something. Anything. I'd almost rather do the wrong thing than do nothing.

As I imagine many people do, we realized there were a number of things we wished we could change before the baby came. We wished we were back in MN, we wished we were more financially ready (who doesn't?), we wished we were in jobs we found more fulfilling.

Now, we're in the position to make some changes. We've got more than 6 months. So. Now we just have to make some decisions.

I didn't register for an art class this fall, because last year I was completely exhausted by trying to fit my 40 hour work week plus 8 hours of painting into a somewhat typical 8-5 work week. Well, 7-5, actually, and I'm not a morning person. Ten hour days on Monday and Friday wiped me out, and I figured it would be even worse pregnant. I'm thinking of how to give myself some structure and do a lot of art on my own. I think something like a daily or weekly project to be posted here would give me the deadline I need. I've considered doing The Artist's Way again, too. It was good for me last time, but I'm not sure if doing it again will take me the in direction I need to go. I really want to focus on making more art. MY work, the stuff that's not assigned by a teacher, is still very immature. I need to experiment more, make more, even practice more.

We're not happy in Geneva. It's a nice enough town, but it isn't good for us. I've talked about it before, I probably don't need to say anything more. We miss the Twin Cities area, and we want to go back. But moving halfway across the country is not cheap, and it's something we need to be prepared for, not to mention we need to have some things in place there before we make the move (jobs, a place to live, etc).

It's a lot to think about.

One more thing. Thank you. So very much. Your kind words have meant more than I know how to say. I know for some, sharing this kind of thing is uncomfortable, inappropriate, unthinkable. I'm a heart-on-my-sleeve woman, much as I'd like to be cool and mysterious. I'm no good at hiding my feelings. But even more than that, I feel better expressing my feelings! I hate hiding things, dancing around certain topics and keeping secrets. Thank you for being receptive to my need to share.

1 comment:

Miss Lime said...

I'm sorry about your loss. Talk about stress! I hope that you begin feeling better soon and that you and your hubby maybe get some things straightened out with living situation, etc. Not being happy in the town you live in or in the job you work at 40 hours a week is quite draining, to say the least. At least you have each other, and it sounds like he's quite the guy!

Thanks for the post on the Lime&Violet blog! I know what you mean about the yarn porn. This is exactly why Miss V and I are perpetually breaking our yarn diets. Bad bad!

Anyway, happy knitting and hang in there!

Miss Lime