I've been pretty good throughout this pregnancy. But today, I just felt tired and crabby and I really wanted dessert after lunch. Like a lot. So my wonderful Sleepy-Voiced Husband took me to the grocery store, where I purchased some Keebler Fudge Shoppe cookies (the wafer kind) and a Twix bar.
Good for me? No. But, you know, good for me? Oh, my, yes.
I ate the Twix bar in about 2 minutes flat. SVH had started on the cookies and left them on my desk. Bad idea, homeslice. I started eating them. I didn't finish the cookies. I didn't even come close. They weren't even half gone yet (he might say they were, but he exaggerates these things- OH YES YOU DO! YOU KNOW IT!). But when SVH came over to get more cookies, I believe his comment was something along the lines of, "Holy Shit!"
He picked up the box of cookies and took them to HIS desk (we were in our office... the one we share with 6 other people)! And he said, "I'm going to save you from yourself." To which my internal response was, "Who is going to save YOU from me, though?" Really. I said I was carb-loading for labor. He said it was all sugar. I told him to shut up. I told him I was going to go back to work (we're working in different areas today, which is probably a good thing) before I punched him.
I don't think I've ever had such a snarling stray cat protecting my food kind of response before. It was bizarre. He's been fantastic throughout all this pregnancy... well, so have I, since I understood his humor about the whole thing... but, man, a line was crossed. He took cookies away from me.
He told me I could have more at break (3pm Eastern Standard Time), but still. It was so wrong. He knows that right now my greatest fantasy involves me, the bulk candy section of the grocery store, and a movie while lying in bed without anyone else around so I can pig out on the sweets that I have been CRAVING so madly and NO ONE CAN TAKE MY COOKIES! DAMN IT! I have a big baby in my belly and I'm hungry and I move awkwardly and I've been pregnant for like 3 years and if I want to eat myself silly just once, because it wouldn't take long because there's no room in there anyway but at least I'd have the satisfaction of having done it, then it's my prerogative! Sometimes you need to sample one of every candy bar in the cashier's line or eat an entire box of cookies or enough salt water taffy to declare yourself another sea.
Dude, I need to stop thinking about the cookies.