Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Moments of Clarity

Sometimes it takes a long long time and a lot of crappy stuff happening to help you make important decisions.

Sometimes you need to have lost all faith in yourself and your ability to make decisions for you to be able to see what you need to do next.

Sometimes you need to be patient, so your next move will be revealed, so to speak, rather than being a decision that you make.

I'm going to do a teacher training course in yoga. I want to be a certified yoga instructor. I am shooting to start in January. I need to decide exactly where, and to do that, I need to review programs. But, I absolutely need to do it.

My life has become unrecognizable to me. The only consistent thing in my life between August 2007 and August 2008 was my husband. EVERYTHING else changed. Such a huge part of my wellbeing was tied to my regular yoga practice. One of my favorite things in the world is going out to dinner, but if dinner plans would conflict with a yoga class, I would skip going out to eat to go to yoga. In my past life, I let almost nothing get in the way of going to yoga.

For the past year, I haven't practiced yoga. I am not very disciplined, and I really depended on classes. I haven't known where to go around here, nor have I felt like we had the $$ for me to take classes. I've felt like I've been at the end of my rope A LOT in the past couple of months, and suddenly I have realized that going back to yoga is the key to feeling better again.

I thought I would just go back to taking classes. Then, on the way back from my Grandfather's funeral, my sister Cat was talking about needing exercise and all the tension she had. I evangelized about yoga like Sarah Palin does about drilling for oil. I wanted to get down on the floor and start teaching her positions and help her find her tense spots and share everything I've learned about the benefits of yoga on mind, body, and soul. I didn't, because we were in the car, but I think I was pretty convincing.

I know that my future life is not going to include one 8-5 job that pays for everything. I'm going to make a crazy patchwork of a living that involves a lot of independent sources of income. I'm going to have a creative career, and one part of it will be teaching yoga.

So, yeah. That's one piece figured out. Namaste.

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