Friday, April 27, 2007

The best laid plans, blah blah blah...

Remember on Saturday, when I talked about all the things I was going to get done this week? I have not done ANY more of it than I had last time I posted. Plus, one of my little mattress fixes came undone. Sigh. It seems that just the regular daily stuff plus 9 hours at work is all this little Mama can handle.

I guess there was Tuesday... Kouros woke me up twice in the night, vomiting up his food. I had also found a bolt lodged in my tire on my way home from yoga Monday night (too late to do anything about it that day). So Tuesday morning, on the way to work to quick tell my coworker that I was running to the mechanic, the clicking of the bolt on the pavement stopped... and the tire was flat a block later when I pulled into work. Fortunately, the lovely mechanic came, plugged the hole and made everything all better for about what I'd have to spend to get free Amazon shipping. Kouros got in to see the vet Tuesday after work (he was still leaving piles of regurgitated food when I got home) and it turns out all he needed was some hairball treatment. All's well that ends well. It was more than the daily grind, but none of it was stuff I could cross off my little list.

The things I have been doing, like cooking for myself, keeping the house clean, taking care of my kitty, have been good. I can feel good knowing that my priorities are in order. I know I need to find a job in MN if I want to move. I know I need to get rid of some of the crap in our house so that we don't have to move it across the country again. I know I need to get the set sketches done for our summer musical. I've been an all-nighter, push myself to the limit kind of woman in my past, but right now, it just can't be that way. I'm not going to risk my or my child's health for a job, a theatre group or anything else.

It's hard for me to realize that I can't do everything all the time. I may love the goal of simplifying, may find solace in things like yoga and meditation, but I still have that bit of myself that wants to go full speed all the time and rack up a dizzying list of accomplishments while having the clarity of a simple lifestyle. I may never lose that desire, but I've found that some of the limitations pregnancy has placed on me have been good for me. I'm so fortunate to have the luxury of being able to slow down some during this time; I don't have to work two jobs, and I don't have ailing relatives or small children who need constant care. I can whittle down the demands on my time without dire consequences. Perhaps this week hasn't been the loss I was originally thinking it was.

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