The Christmas Kitty

I found this old picture of Kouros after he had gotten rid of the fleas and upper respiratory problems he had when we found him. He was our Christmas present that year. This was one of the few times he wasn't trying to climb the tree...

I've been knitting and making jewelry a lot lately, and it's helped me through the sadness. I do have a pang when I realize he isn't going to come try to chew on the yarn or chase beads around. He would explore whatever I was working with, and then he'd settle in and just watch what I was doing. He was a great companion while I was creating. It didn't work with painting, though. The fur flying through the air was a problem.

I used to try to draw Kouros, and they never turned out very well. He needed to be drawn from pictures, because he was always moving. He made it into my September art project from 2006, here and here.

Moving On

I miss my furry little guy. He was our cat, Carl's and mine, and one of the sad things about losing him is that we've lost a bit of life from when it was just the two of us. It's getting better, and I look forward to the day when I don't cry when I talk about losing Kouros. I may be using this space to do some mourning. It's a good place to escape my everyday life and work through it. Just to warn you.

It's good to have this face to ease the pain...

With a heavy heart...

We had to put Kouros down yesterday. His bladder wasn't getting its tone back, and was filling up again. We could have tried to catheterize him again, keep his bladder small for several days and see, but even then, his prognosis wasn't good. Rather than cause him further pain, we chose to let him go. We held him and cuddled him, and he was purring when he went. We miss him so much already, but it was the right thing to do.

The vet was wonderful to him and to us. I think I caught her right after he had bitten her (and drew blood) when I spoke with her the day before. He had not bitten anyone since he had been on his prozac. He was in pain. She said this had been building up for a while, so I don't feel *quite* so guilty. I'm just sad for the loss of my furry baby. He snuggled and loved us for giving him a home. He kept SVH company when he was out of work a few years ago. He comforted me when I miscarried. He was a loving companion, and we'll miss him terribly.

I was trying to think of a fitting tribute to him, but I didn't really feel like chewing through any of my knitting, or knocking a glass to the floor so it smashed and watching the water run. I'll just put up a picture of him doing one of his other favorite things- sitting on cardboard.

Kouros, Keeper of the Pizza Summer 2004-August 20, 2008

Kouros is having some urinary tract problems. He's at the vet's, and has been since yesterday morning. I feel so badly, because I think this particular bout came on because we ran out of the prescription food he was on and we were worried about money and we gave him something cheaper for a couple of weeks until we had a check come through. I knew better... I KNEW better... so I suppose I deserved the accusatory tone the vet used last night giving me the update, but it didn't make it any easier to take. She wasn't very nice to me.

I just haven't known what to do about Kouros, and this situation is bringing it all to a head. I never wrote about the aggression problems we were having with him last year. He would bite and draw blood, sometimes unprovoked. He would jump at you and continue to jump until you picked him up and locked him away. It started when we moved into our second apartment in Geneva, and I'm not sure why that seemed to be the trigger. He had other problems, too. He would dig in his water. He was mounting blankets and stuffed animals. He woke us up numerous times a night. I took him down to the Animal Behavior Clinic at Cornell, and they put him on kitty prozac. It worked beautifully. He settled down, we weren't bitten any longer, and all of the other problems went away. I taught him to sit and get up and down from things on command. It helped to let him know I was the boss.

Now we have Blue. She's in his territory all the time. I NEVER leave them together unattended. In fact, I rarely even allow him to be out in the same area as she is when I'm right there. He's been good for the most part. He nipped at her when she grabbed his paw and pulled it through the pet gate. He seems to hold back with her, but given how hard I know he can bite, I can't let my guard down at all. Keeping them apart has worked so far since the in-laws' house is pretty big, but how will it work when we're back in a small apartment? (I won't even hazard a guess as to when that will happen anymore)

The Animal Behavior Clinic gave him a poor prognosis. I think if he has to ever go off the prozac, we definitely won't be able to keep him. They said he has no fear. It's true- biting is a pretty confident behavior. He has never used his claws on a person for all the years we've had him. He only bit, but it was hard, either breaking the skin, or ripping fabric. Once he bit me through my jeans and left a bruise. Most people would probably have put him down. He's not exactly a very adoptable cat- he's on prozac AND prescription food. He's still sweet, and he's quite the hunter (he caught a mouse and a chipmunk that had gotten in the basement), but he's unpredictable. I can't let him spend too much time near my girl. I don't even know what to do when we're in the position to have babysitters come to watch Blue. He's a liability.

And none of that changes the fact that right now, he's at the vet, possibly obstructed, because he's moved down our financial priority list. I feel so terrible.

More Olympic Gold

Dude... after my last rant about the 12-year-old gymnasts (I know, they're not ACTUALLY 12... I'm old, so they look 12), did you see the 33-year-old gymnast from Germany? Was that not the coolest thing ever? She totally rocked the vault! She was in spectacular shape! And did you see her story? Her name is Oksana Chusovitina, and she was in the 1992 Olympics for the Unified team (former Soviet Union). Her son has leukemia, and a friend in Germany got her to come train in Germany, where her son could get treatment. Her son is in remission, and she's become a German citizen. This is her FIFTH Olympics! And she's a gymnast!

So cool.

Five colored rings

Did you watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics last night? I did. After having been too cool for the Olympics since they were in Atlanta in 1996, I'm excited about them again. The dancers painting the giant scroll gave me goosebumps, and I loved the drummers. I thought the sea of people in white doing tai chi was stunning. The way the torch was lit with the gymnast running along the inside of the stadium was spectacular. I was touched by the tiny little earthquake survivor waving his little flags and marching in next to Yao Ming and his giant flag. I stayed up late to see it all.

Why was I against them for those years? I think I was busy being cynical or something... angst was the emotion of the 90s after all. Was it the McDonalds commercials? The Coca-Cola commercials? All these companies peddling unhealthy food in connection with an athletic event? Or how about the medal counts on the news every night? Then there was the whole IOC bribery scandal during the 2002 Winter Games. That didn't help my cynicism. Or was it the fact that there have been so many instances of Olympic Athletes testing positive for various performance enhancing drugs? Or the fact that the gymnasts all look 12 years old, and I'm not sure how I feel about children giving up their youth to train so hard?

I wonder why I'm excited at these games. Why not Athens? The Olympic stadium for the 2004 Olympics had just been finished when I was there for my study abroad program in 1998. Our friends who ran the Marathon finished in the stadium. The subway was being built while I was there-I seem to remember a newspaper kiosk disappearing as a newly dug tunnel collapsed into a building from a previous millennium. We visited Olympia while we were there. Greece and Athens have such significance for the Sleepy-Voiced Husband and me. Why didn't I get over myself then?

As someone who gets so indignant at the trampling of human rights, how is it that I'm not feeling I need to protest these games in a country with such a wretched human rights track record? There has been so much bad news coming out of China in the past year... lead paint in toys and cardboard in food. Or the American man who was murdered (CEO of Bachman's Floral in the Twin Cities).How is it I'm not busy ranting about all of the things that are wrong with China?

How is it that I can edit out all those things that have bothered me in the past?

I think I'm feeling the spirit of the games; the chance to put aside the disagreements, and even violent conflict, to meet as humans and enjoy friendly competition and camaraderie. Maybe a few wars later, I want to see something peaceful. I want to see positive relations between my country and the rest of the world. Maybe it's because I'm a mother now, and I want to see the positive aspects of the world in which I'm raising my daughter. I want to see the joy of physical activity in a country in which we face such morbid obesity. I want to see something we can appreciate as a family. I want to see something beautiful and inspiring.

I'm sure I'll go back to all of my causes and righteous indignation later, but for now, I just want to feel the hope and excitement of the games.

A break from cover letter writing....

Can't get enough of that face...

Funk

Not an hour after I posted my last entry, I got the call that I didn't get the job. I'm pleased to have gotten an interview, and in all honesty, this wasn't what I wanted to do for my whole life, but it was the chance to move on. We're still in the in-laws' basement. I said I wanted to be out by June, and here it is, July, with no prospect of moving in the near future. I work for an apartment management company, for chrissakes; I know how much we need to be making to be approved to have our own place, and we're no where near that. Where did my independent life go? The one where we had our own house, and our own life, and I could have an off-day unobserved. I was bored with my job in NY, and we were so ready to move to MN, but I've been getting a little nostalgic for my old existence. Things like cookbooks we used to use when we were grown-ups and cooked our own meals have been setting me off. This simply isn't the life we were moving back for.

Here's the back of my flutter sleeve cardigan. The yarn (Knitting Fever InterMezzo DK) knits up beautifully. I'm really pleased with how it looks. I've started the left front side. My original plan was to have it finished to wear to the opening of our new building at the main apartment complex where I work. It opened July 1st. One more goal I didn't make.

Blue is magnificent. She's climbing stairs, walking behind rolling toys and the occasional ottoman, and she's making all sorts of new sounds. She still hasn't gotten any teeth yet, but she's still working on them. How barbaric is teething!? She's the best thing her Daddy and I have in common, and after 9 years of marriage, we have a hell of a lot in common! We're both so totally smitten with her. I just wish we weren't starting her life behind the 8-ball here.

So I guess you can see I'm having a little trouble getting out of this great purple funk (I know, usually it's a blue funk, but this one's a little deeper). I'm getting some help, and I know intellectually that this can't last forever, but I can't see a way out right now. SVH actually started laughing yesterday when I was talking about it- he said, "But honey, you sound like me!" I'm usually the cheerleader, and I mean the things I say, but what I would nornally say to him to help just sounds empty. Anyhoo. Things are bound to get better, right?

A month. OVER a month. How much space do I use in this blog lamenting how much time I take between posts?

What has happened over the month? I had a job interview yesterday! At my alma mater, even. I wouldn't be making as much money as I could, but it's got full benefits and the opportunity to take art classes, I'd be working with an Arboretum, and if I worked there for the next 18 years, Blue could have free tuition (talk about long-term goals). Keep your fingers crossed.

I've finished the back of the flutter sleeve cardigan from the spring 2008 Interweave Knits! I did most of my knitting on it in the car while SVH was driving and Blue was safely buckled into her carseat. The price of gas may be ridiculously high, but sometimes it's worth it to spend time with my old hobby. Maybe I'll get some pictures up here, but I'm not promising anything, what with my recent track record.

Blue is emptying the cabinets of cookie sheets and tupperware. I'd better be off.

Hallelujah!

Blue finally slept through the night! It was the first uninterrupted night of sleep I've had in just over 8 months. I'm so proud of her and I'm so happy for me. In fact, she's still asleep! I might even get a shower in real quick...

Happy Mother's Day!

For my first Mother's Day, we had a lovely breakfast with SVH's parents and grandmother, I got a box of chocolates, a Caribou Coffee gift card, the sweetest card from Blue (as dictated to Daddy) and a card from my nieces and nephew. I got some time to knit, some time to play on Ravelry, some time to post here, and a few games of Bocce in the backyard. All in all, a very good day.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there! It is an honor to join your ranks.

Unfinished Business

I am behind in my Lime and Violet listening, so I only just heard the New Year's Episode in with the Finishalongapalooza was announced. I checked the boards on Ravelry, and it doesn't look like people are keeping up on it too much right now. Still, it's just what I need. So, here is my list of projects on the needles and the plan for them.

Enid - nearly to the armholes! I hope to have this sweater done for this winter.

When will I go into Labor Coasters - I got 3 done, and I'm thinking I'll make a set of 6. So I'm half done. They're an easy quick project. I'd have finished all 6 of them if my IV in the labor room hadn't been in my wrist.

Baby Kimono from Mason-Dixon Knitting - Started it in Moda Dea Dream, decided Blue would end up eating and inhaling fuzz, so I frogged it.

Fetching - I have one done and the cuff of the second started.

Rainy Day Socks - I picked it up again. I'm half way down the first leg. Slow progress, but progress none the less.

My So-Called Scarf - Old project, knit too tightly. I frogged it and the yarn (Lion Brand Landscapes) is now ready to be knit again. I'll probably do this scarf again with larger needles.

Tempting - Remember when I said I was going to frog it? I still haven't. In my mind and heart, it's frogged. I simply haven't physically pulled out the yarn. I need to get on that.

So, there you have it. I'm currently working on Enid and the Rainy Day Socks. And I might have cast on for a felted coffee cup sleeve. That'll be done in about 5 minutes.

I've been writing this post for 3 days now, so I'm not going to put in pictures. Check out the pictures in Ravelry- I'm HyperactiveHands there!

Blue was strongly influenced by Ferris Bueller

Jobs, jobs everywhere

I've been working a lot. What? I didn't tell you about my job? I'm a VERY part-time leasing agent for an apartment management company. Very different from what I've done in my past. It's nice to dress up a bit and talk to adults for a few hours evere couple of weekends, though.

Today and yesterday, I did a lot of marketing and outreach. I took information and candy around to a bunch of businesses in the area. This was SO far outside of my comfort zone. I learned a lot, but I'm so much happier being at one of the properties where interested people come to me rather than barging into a car dealership and asking if they know where apartment complex X is located and would they pass the word on to any of their employees who may be in the market for a new apartment. I walked out of most of them saying to myself as I left, "God, I am such a TOOL!" It's good for me to learn these skills, I know. I want to be a working artist someday and I'll need to get exposure. I used to be one of those people who feared public speaking more than death, and I spent a year doing Toastmasters to get over myself. What I'm doing now will only make future representation easier. Still, I'm glad I'm done with that part of my job for a while.

SVH got a part-time job, too. He's a contract copy editor for a publishing company or something like that. A friend of ours from college works for said publishing company in Manhattan and has a certain number of these contract editors working under him, and HOORAY, now my husband is one of them. We are really excited and hope that this will lead to further opportunities in this area. SVH is an independent soul, and the more control he has over his working hours and conditions, the happier he'll be.


Blue has become enamoured with her tongue. This is her near-constant expression these days.

I an such a lucky mother to have such a happy baby!

Next episode: The Spring Cleaning Knitting Project List... stay tuned!

Happy days

My new nephew, Charlie, was born yesterday afternoon! He's named for his grandfathers, but it just so happens that his other grandfather's first name is the same as my father-in-law's middle name, so he actually has the same first and middle name as my f-i-l. Grandpa Charlie is awfully proud. There were many tears around this house. My mother-in-law flew out of Minnesota yesterday morning and arrived at the hospital (in North Carolina) as the baby was crowning. It was a very exciting day. Little Charlie is a big boy- 10 lbs 4 oz, and 22 inches long! I don't know when I'll get to meet him, but I'm eagerly awaiting pictures of Blue's younger cousin!

Speaking of good days, Hesira gave me a You Made My Day Award, and I need to pass on the award to 10 of my favorite bloggy friends. So here they are, in no particular order:

Beesknees - For starting a blog and sharing her lovely poetry

Valkyrie - For finishing the Mommy Snug. I always thought I'd knit one, but I was showing from April through September... not sweater weather.

Amanda - For showing me green grass and blue skies in April. We just got rid of our snow.

Cari - For weathering adversity in the creative world, and continuing to write.

Evil Science Chick - For pointing me to this. I'm still chuckling.

April - For knitting such a beautiful and thoughtful gift for her grandma

Alcariel - For her obsessive hobbies. I'm a kindred spirit.

Cara - For her fantastically gorgeous baby girl who I only finally read about last week! I get so behind on my blogreading these days~

Faith - Her writing always makes my day.

Minnie - For being Adminnie of the Wilds on KnitWars, AND being 197th level at that. Damn, woman!

Just for fun, you should also check out Moonstitches. Mangetsu posts amazing, inspiring photographs.

Guess who crawls these days?

New nephew on the way!!

Did I mention that the Sleepy-Voiced Sister is having a baby? I'm sure I must have. Well, she's at the hospital, my mother-in-law is in the air on her way there, and for all I know the baby has already been born! Woo hoo!

Little Blue is going to have to be a tomboy. We know 11 babies born or coming between January and October of this year. One, we don't know the sex yet. My cousin is having a girl in May. Otherwise, they're all boys. If Blue wants girls for friends, she's going to have to find them herself, because all the friends we've made for her are boys.

Incidentally, the January boy? He was born to my friend Berit, the woman who taught me to knit. He was the new year's baby for Norway. Pretty cool, huh?

Another Pink Ribbon

Back in my old life, when I didn't share a computer with 4 other adults- one being a student, another being a serious job hunter and the other two being the ones who own the computer and pay for the internet access- I had the breast cancer site as my homepage. Every morning when I arrived at work, I clicked the button.

Now I don't use the computer quite so often (and I miss you guys so much!). I kind of feel like I'm the low man on the totem pole as far as my need for internet access. My free time is a bit limited, too, being the main caretaker of a little one about to start crawling! So I've lagged behind in my clicking for mammograms.

Last week, a school friend from my hometown had a double mastectomy. She can't be more than 34 years old, and was just married last November. She had cancer in both breasts. The good news is, she's cancer free now! They got it all.

It reminded me of the importance of early detection. It also reminded me of how cool these internets can be, since Jill has a care page where people who haven't seen her in 10 years (like me) can drop her a line and let her know they're thinking of her. Sometimes technology is really really good.

Please click here to help fund free mammograms, in honor of a very young and brave woman.

Six Months Old!

A little parental affirmation

Spoke too soon about Blue not getting sick. Yesterday was terrible. I have never felt so bad for another person. Her poor eyes were all red and runny, her nose was red and she couldn't breathe through it, and she just moaned and fussed constantly. Poor little thing- it broke my heart! I'm glad to be through it.



The turning point yesterday evening was her bath. She loves bathing and once she got in the tub, she seemed to improve steadily. I'm so glad we have that... no matter how rough a day we have had, once she gets in the tub, she always feels better. We started bathing Blue at night as part of a bedtime routine since we brought her home from the hospital, and I think having that as a constant has been so good for all of us. It's nice, at a time when you're feeling a little frayed and tired, to see your efforts pay off. Last night, I think we were all about ready to cry in relief when we saw how much better she felt after her bath. So rewarding.

You got a title?

Last weekend I turned 33, and I showed my work in an art show at church. It was wonderful to be around art and see what other people were doing, and remind myself of what I had been doing. There were people there with note cards and prints for sale and other such things, but I was there simply to get out there and participate. It was good.

This weekend, I am recovering from the creeping death influenza that Typhoid Gabby brought over here. I'm actually much better, but yesterday I wasn't sure I would survive. Of course, the night before, Blue decided to get up every 2 hours until 4am, after which time she got up every hour. It was painful, but we're all here on the other side. Fortunately, Blue is nursing, so she's getting my antibodies and not getting this awful stuff.

I will write much more thoughtful entries when I have fully recovered. Until I do, you can go over to a new blog that my friend just started. She's the BeesKnees on Ravelry, too. She's writing much more insightful stuff than I'm capable of at the moment. Must go. Blue is rolling all over the place these days... nothing is safe.

From the mouths of babes...

I hate to be quiet for so long after a negative post. I feel like I should always leave things on a positive note, you know? Well, I'm feeling much better, although Blue is not sleeping much from 6am on, and that's after her regular 2 feedings in the night, so I'm pretty tired. Phases don't last long at this age, so hopefully this one won't, either.

The other night we took my 6-year-old niece Emily to dinner. We gave each of the kids dinner and dessert out alone with Sleepy-Voiced Husband and myself (and Blue, of course). SVH came up with a simple game to play with the girls, where he asks a question, like "Would you rather be Batman or Superman, and why?" and they get to give us their answers. They love it, and this was all Emily wanted to do during dinner. It was hilarious. This was by far my favorite exchange:

"Would you rather keep the ring, or throw it into Mount Doom?"

[that's a Lord of the Rings question, just in case you weren't familiar with it... but
then again you're reading a blog... you're already a little nerdy, so you probably know LOTR well]

"I would keep it."

"But then you'd become the
next dark lord."
"Oh... then I'd throw it into Mountain Dew."